Of Mice and Faceless Men

By Jaime Woo

When I’m bored or restless, I turn to my iPod and open up Grindr, the popular and mildly infamous cruising app for men seeking other men. The app is location-based and uses GPS to determine who else is around: within seconds, my screen is populated with scores of images of men tantalizingly nearby. It’s a delightful hit of instant gratification, a marvel of modern technology, and a progressive juxtaposition to a time when gay men hid in the shadows and bushes.

The land of plenty is not paradise, however. There is a cultural brouhaha amongst cruising app users: a divide between the Faces and the Torsos.

The Faces are the more familiar tribe, recognizable from other social media services like Twitter or Facebook. They present through self-portraits, some choosing close-up beauty shots, others going head-to-toe. Many smile, just as many pose, and an oddball contingent try to appear aloof, as if unaware of the camera’s eye.

The Torsos prefer chest to cheekbones, cropping their photos from the clavicle to just above the hip bones. Often (but not always) the men are lean or muscular, at once devotees to the societal signifier of male virility yet also a middle finger to that same society’s widening masses. The Old Spice Guy may have popularized the idea of comparing himself to the schlub you’re with, but the gays did it first (and did it better).

Shirtless men are hardly shocking: in gay clubs, attendees strip, strut, and sweat in great swarms. Being topless is the de facto gay male uniform. But on Grindr, Torsos make a willful choice to become literally faceless, one of an often interchangeable series of bodies. This withholding annoys the Faces, who see it as cowardly, brusque or disrespectful.

Growing up in a Chinese household, I heard a lot about face. To “bei meen” to someone, literally to “give face” in Cantonese, was to have respect for that person. As a child, I heard of people who were “without face,” those considered to have little social capital or hadn’t much respect for themselves. (The English saying to “save face” probably has similar roots.) When I first began to think of Grindr’s Faces and Torsos, I assumed that to be a Face was to give face.

Continue reading

White Women and Everything You Dream Of

by Navneet Alang

So there I was, blissfully happy, sitting next to a beautiful white woman. For some reason, it’s her toes, painted bright red, that stick out in my memory. And if with that I evoke slightly queasy echoes of the fetishistic, then at least I’ve started at the right place.

It was a few years ago now, this improbably idyllic summer romance. That day we were on a beach in the west end on one of those hot, pale Toronto mornings where one’s sense of time fades into the hazy space between lake and sky. We sat like two teenagers who, the morning after a first kiss are suddenly shy, bodies hesitantly brushing against each other. I remember the milky white skin poking out from under her dress and then a sudden burst of perfectly brushed red. Like something from a movie. Like an image cut out of a magazine.

I can only ask you to forgive me these unpleasant, adolescent clichés. I know, quite well in fact, that they are wrong.  This is the thing, though: you can spend your life arguing against “objectification” and “Eurocentrism” and still be unsure if you fell so hard for someone simply because of who they were—or because of what they, their looks and the colour of their skin represented. This uncomfortable, unavoidable truth hits home especially hard for people of colour: desire doesn’t care what your politics are.

There’s a perfect scene in Undercover Brother just after the film’s hero sleeps with Denise Richards’ “White She-Devil” character. Returning to the headquarters of black power group “The Brotherhood”, the reaction Undercover Brother receives there perfectly captures the strangeness of cultural desire. Dave Chappelle, playing the militant “Conspiracy Brother”, isn’t betrayed or shocked—he’s jealous. “Was it everything I dreamed of?” he asks, incredulously.

Continue reading

Not Guilty, Not Innocent

By Sarah Nicole Prickett

"Not Guilty," Mr. Brainwash, 2011.

Sometimes I wonder what happened to the valedictorian of my high school, because I’m too lazy to go look at her Facebook. She was so funny and smart and she said the funniest, smartest thing about all of us at South Secondary School in London, Ontario. “I was glad to go to such a diverse school,” she said. It was the opening line of her speech on the last day of those lives. “There were white kids who shopped at American Eagle, and there were white kids who shopped at the Gap.”

I was a white kid whose mom shopped at Winners, and these acute small discrepancies in class were all I could think about. Race hardly occurred to me; intersectionality I would not understand til after I had dropped out of university twice. It wasn’t only that I had grown up in the middlingest town, a place so white and so dull it spawned the guy who made Crash. It was also that I had been homeschooled, and that for years and years my only friends were other (white, Christian) homeschoolers. One day we were visiting my mom’s best friend, whose kids were regular-schooled, and one of them was wearing a “stop racism” pin. I wasn’t sure what “racism” was. I was twelve.

Continue reading

8 Simple Rules for Marrying a Chinese Woman

By John Michael McGrath

Though my title cleverly references a TV show and the luckiest number in Asian numerology, I can’t deliver on its promise. Lord Almighty, it turns out there’s no one Chinese Girl TM out there to date and marry. They’re all different! My wife Vicki is even totally different from her sisters! It’s weird. The internet did not prepare me for this.

I also blame the internet, nerve centre of all fetishes, for the super-awkward first meeting with Vicki’s closest friends. Immediately upon sitting down for coffee one afternoon in 2000, they asked if I’d ever dated a Chinese girl before. Answer: No. Next question: have I dated any other Asian women before? (No.) Third question: Are you sure? (Um, yes.) My answers didn’t actually seem to convince anyone. I’m pretty sure I was considered a rice king until proven innocent. Almost 12 years later, I’m relatively certain I’ve put them at ease.

I’d actually recommend this experience to other people of a paler persuasion. Not specifically accusations of Yellow Fever, but I think more white people could use some baseless assumptions about their skin colour making them really uncomfortable at least once or twice a year. At the very least, it would make that score look a bit less like the Harlem Globetrotters vs. the Washington Generals.

Continue reading

Interracial relationships: The mid-week round-up

You guys, it’s only Wednesday and we’ve already got amazing articles that look at interracial and intercultural dating.

This is stuff you should read.

Start with the chat that started it all: Ethnichat: DNA Free Flow

Move on to Renée Sylvestre-Williams’ experience of dating interracially – her family isn’t concerned about race, just that any potential boyfriends have the same level of education, share the same values and treat her right. (It’s a long list.)

Denise Balkissoon learns, thanks to an ex-boyfriend, that people get racially confused, which can get tiresome after a while.

Jef Catapang interviews Anupa Mistry who reveals her weakness for white boys.

Being mixed-race and dating is more than just “oh, you’re gorgeous!” and “mixed babies are so cute!” Adebe DeRango-Adem takes a moment to unpack the baggage of dating and fetishization when dating interracially.

We’re not the only ones thinking about this topic:

Britain is as well. The BBC just ran a series on mixed-race Britons.

The New York Times looks at mixed-race relationships and the lingering tensions in the United States.

The Economist features author Richard Banks and his work, “Is Marriage for White People? How the African-American Marriage Decline Affects Everyone.

Chatcan: Jef asks Anupa about dating white dudes

Jef and I have been friends for a long-time and share the same daffy sense of humour so we decided to team up to contribute a chat post to the Ethnic Aisle’s Interracial Dating edition. Here, Jef asks me about dating white guys.

jef:  So you want me to grill you about your dating history?

anupa: well no!

jef: boooo

anupa: maybe you can ask weird questions about dating white guys?

jef: Do you always date white guys?

anupa: No! I feel like in the past few years this has been some kind of trend for some reason which I can’t really explain yet, but I am not one of those “I don’t date..”-type people

I have dated white guys, a half-black/half-chinese guy and brown guys!

jef: Shout out to half a Chinese guy

anupa: He was all Jamaican though

I called him black chiney

jef: Of course you did!

When did you date your first white guy then?

Continue reading