Ethnichat: DNA Free Flow

Last Friday, we hosted a Twitter chat on interracial and intercultural dating to kickoff this week’s posts. Here are some of the highlights…thanks very much to everyone who participated. Keep reading and commenting!

Q1: What are your feelings on people who adamantly date only within their own race or culture? #ethnichat Go!
ethnicaisle
October 14, 2011
Well, for one, not all of us have that luxury. #ethnichat
alexdao
October 14, 2011
Up or down it’s their decision to make for themselves. It’s also potentially their loss if soulmate is heterogeneous #ethnichat
accozzaglia
October 14, 2011
 When you’re mixed, every relationship is an interracial one. #ethnichat
reneeswilliams
October 14, 2011
Q2: have you ever been exoticized by a partner/date, how did you know, and how did you feel?
ethnicaisle
October 14, 2011
Too much focus on ethnic background, had one guy literally say “that’s hot” when he found out my mix. Yuck. #ethnichat
alexdao
October 14, 2011
Yes, for my body shape. Was told this after we started dating. Felt like an object. It’s why relationship ended. #ethnichat
accozzaglia
October 14, 2011
She said: “I feel so worldly”. I wasn’t impressed. #ethnichat
slowdecade
October 14, 2011
Got told I am interesting because I am Indian. Ick. My ethnicity is a part of my identity, not an accessory. #ethnicchat
bthanki
October 14, 2011
We were making out. Ze took off my glasses and complimented me: “You look less Asian.” Really.
neville_park
October 14, 2011

I find it tiring when they get disappointed when I do something that doesn’t jive with their perception of my racial identity. #ethnichat
reneeswilliams
October 14, 2011
white guys i’ve dated have pretty much been not into white girls, not as an ideology tho. just realizing that now. #ethnichat
_anupa
October 14, 2011
RT @JaeFiasco: Ex was white and his friend said (in my presence) GUESS WHAT I FUCKED A BLACK CHICK! It’s a prize to them
_anupa
October 14, 2011
RT @jooksing as an asian ciswoman, i feel exoticized all the damn time. it’s uncomfortable &telling. tho partners dating history says most.
ethnicaisle
October 14, 2011
RT @jooksing the q for me is: what feels worse: dating some1 who has been with POC or dating some1 who hasn’t been w ANY POC. both loaded
ethnicaisle
October 14, 2011
Yes! There’s always that question of which is worse. Non-POC w/ history of dating only POCs – red flag. #ethnichat
alexdao
October 14, 2011
Don’t think I’d mind someone who hadn’t dated a POC before, if they weren’t defensive when there were things to be discussed. #ethnichat
balkissoon
October 14, 2011
 Could the race/mix dating preference be more of a physical thing rather than background? #ethnichat
NoellySam
October 14, 2011
Ah yes, the age old question – what’s wrong with just having a physical preference? It’s so loaded. #ethnichat
alexdao
October 14, 2011
I think you can prefer certain characteristics but then you have to ask yourself why #ethnicchat
judeinlondon
October 14, 2011
RT @jooksing i think POCs who predominantly date outside their race should also try to deconstruct their internalized racism too #ethnichat
ethnicaisle
October 14, 2011
But worth looking into, pure bodily response or years of racial brainwashing, yes it’s complex. #ethnichat
NoellySam
October 14, 2011
I agree, POC do need to think abt internalized racism & dating. Dumb video: Why Brown Girls Like White Guys http://bit.ly/qG0cBM #ethnichat
balkissoon
October 14, 2011
At the base of the debate, it shouldn’t focus just on those who date PoCs but choices of the PoCs themselves.
RudyKatoch
October 14, 2011
 I don’t think dating outside ur race has anything to do w/ internalized racism. We live in a global city. It happens.
KimberlyAsal
October 14, 2011
Like, you just happen to prefer a certain race? I don’t think it’s ever that simple. #ethnichat
tianareid
October 14, 2011
Ok, Q3: how have your family/friends reacted to your interracial/intercultural partners? #ethnichat
ethnicaisle
October 14, 2011
Positively. They’re more concerned about mutual values and whether he treats me well.
reneeswilliams
October 14, 2011
My grandmother, who was biracial, did tell me she didn’t want me dating a black man.
reneeswilliams
October 14, 2011
They haven’t. And ppl always ask “so how was THAT like?” They seem to be anticipating stories of lashings #ethnichat
RafayAgha
October 14, 2011
It’s strange. We’re beginning to see a North America where the basic assumption is one of mixed racial heritage.
emilymkeeler
October 14, 2011
Her family: Pleased to meet you. My family: MISSION ABORT. My friends: Cool story bro #ethnichat
slowdecade
October 14, 2011
My parents were an interracial couple, but my dad still holds racial prejudices on who his kids should date. #ethnichat
tianareid
October 14, 2011
 my parents were surprised he was a Brown guy & not East Asian. (They’d have been more surprised if he was Persian.) #ethnichat
shimo
October 14, 2011
@_anupa re: whitebros. i feel weird, but if you’re happy that’s cool ma. unless u cute. then u need to be with me. #ethnichat
saeidedward
October 14, 2011
My parents know and understand it’s high unlikely I’ll marry someone who isn’t Chinese, but have also stated “preferences”. 😛
karenkho
October 14, 2011
my parents accepted my white ex but they still managed to show some close-mindedness. I was more nervous of his family though
judeinlondon
October 14, 2011
I think my folks were less surprised I dated white girls than the fact I dated girls at all #ethnichat
zombivish
October 14, 2011
Q4: Have strangers commented on your relationship, and if yes, how have you dealt with it? #ethnichat
ethnicaisle
October 14, 2011
 Yes, and I’ve/we’ve usually responded, “Uhm, how is this of any concern to you?” Their reaction is all butthurt. #ethnichat
accozzaglia
October 14, 2011
Here lies the real debate. There is side-eyeing from some PoCs at interracial couples of their ethnicity @ethnicaisle
RudyKatoch
October 14, 2011
old indian men death-staring me and my half-black/half-chinese ex in the mall. #ethnichat
_anupa
October 14, 2011
As a teen, dating interracially had me labelled a “coconut” by other POC. I said nothing back then which I regret #ethnichat
judeinlondon
October 14, 2011
Usually they comment on how cute the babies will be. #ethnichat
alexdao
October 14, 2011
Not all mixed race babies are cute. I’m thinking of some of my cousins. #ethnichat
reneeswilliams
October 14, 2011
@alexdao HA that is one of @reneeswilliams pet peeves. We want to do a post on the blog “Ugly Mixed Race Babies.” Hahaha. #ethnichat
ethnicaisle
October 14, 2011
I’m not gonna lie, I was a really cute mixed baby. #ethnichat
tianareid
October 14, 2011
Side-eye from random strangers (white and black) is fairly common. I’ve gotten better at ignoring it, but still. #ethnicchat
AllyssiaAlleyne
October 14, 2011
Recently asked: What does your husband look like? Me: He’s gorgeous. Silence. Really she meant: “What colour?” Naive am I.
jacquiefrancis
October 14, 2011
Sad. Within the community, criticism & hostility to a PoC dating outside their race is more pointed. #ethnichat
RudyKatoch
October 14, 2011
why do black men act like my boyfriend isn’t there? Does being white make him invisible?
TDeeRock
October 14, 2011
#ethnichat RT @wesleycase: My friends are 99% white: they either wear (interracial dating) as badge of pride or it makes them uneasy
_anupa
October 14, 2011
Oh, when I was in Trinidad with my white ex, someone actually HISSED at us on the street in Port of Spain. #ethnichat
balkissoon
October 14, 2011
Q for @chantalbraganza & other mixies: Did your parents say if they faced prejudice within your extended fam for being together? #ethnichat
ethnicaisle
October 14, 2011
I’ve def seen my parents get some side-eye. Took one neighbour 20 yrs (!) to figure out they were married.
kelkord
October 14, 2011
Like, it was so incomprehensible to this guy that these two people could be a couple #ethnichat
kelkord
October 14, 2011
Eep. Kinda. Not so much for race, but ’cause one fam had established themselves in Canada for a while by that point. #ethnichat
chantalbraganza
October 14, 2011
@ethnicaisle love to hear all this conversation: I came from mixed parents, now divorced. Never really talked about this. #ethnichat
the2scoops
October 14, 2011
Ok, last q, from @judeinlondon: Do you really think social attitudes towards interracial dating have changed that much? #ethnichat
ethnicaisle
October 14, 2011
I personally feel less weird walking around than I used to, but that may just be personal confidence! #ethnichat
balkissoon
October 14, 2011
I also think, in Toronto, the constant influx of newcomers might also mean influx of ppl unaccustomed to mixing #ethnichat
balkissoon
October 14, 2011
Tough question. I’m going to say, not as much as society likes to think it has. #ethnichat
reneeswilliams
October 14, 2011
Definitely. It’s not ideal yet, but changing attitudes towards race have changed attitudes about i.r. dating too. #ethnicchat
AllyssiaAlleyne
October 14, 2011
compared to when? I think compared to 50 years ago, no doubt. 10 yrs… enh @ethnichat
simyau
October 14, 2011
Not sure I want to live in a world where the intricacies of IR dating (& thus my own difference) are all smoothed over
ethnicaisle
October 14, 2011

One thought on “Ethnichat: DNA Free Flow

  1. Pingback: Interracial relationships: The mid-week round-up « The Ethnic Aisle

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